Williams IIlancewii
The man, the myth, the Baldwin digital legend. Restaurant-web-salesman by trade. Local AI warlock by night. Hasn't spoken on a phone since 2024 and is perfectly fine with that.
Lance Williams II is a one-man economic development zone for Baldwin, NY 11510. Part restaurant-tech evangelist, part local AI warlock, part reformed phone-talker.
He believes no pizzeria, deli, or Jamaican spot in Baldwin should enter 2027 without a website. He also believes a language model running on his personal hardware counts as a spiritual experience.
He automated his phone calls because talking is for people who don't own text-to-speech. The robots handle it now. They are more polite anyway.
The mission: walk into every Baldwin restaurant that still uses a Facebook page as a website, and sell them one.
A real one. With a menu. And online ordering. And maybe a hero image that isn't 480p.
The barbershop by Sunrise Highway almost bit. Phil's Pizza is next on the hit list. The last holdout still runs a Yahoo page from 2004. It has a guestbook. It is still accepting entries. Lance respects the commitment but the site has to go.
Deep in the basement of a modest Baldwin home, a small server hums 24/7. On it runs Hermes 3 8B.
A local language model so powerful Lance refers to it as "the basement deity." No cloud, no API fees, no one else poking around. You ask it a question. It thinks. It answers. All within a three-foot radius of a router that is older than some of its training data.
The neighbors think the fan noise is a sump pump. Lance knows better.
Lance hasn't spoken to a human on the phone since November 2024.
Not because he's antisocial (okay, maybe a little), but because he built a TTS pipeline that handles all his calls.
The system reads from a script, speaks in a calm neutral tone, and never says "um" or "sorry, can you repeat that." It is the most professional version of Lance, and it lives on a Raspberry Pi.
If you run a Baldwin restaurant and your web presence is a blurry Yelp photo from 2011, Lance wants to hear from you.
He will build you a site. He will set up online ordering. He will probably make a joke about your menu font. It will be fine.
Hire me (if you are a Baldwin restaurant with no website)